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Late For Work

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Absence of the Towels

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Don't Thinko de Mayo

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Magic Show Volunteer

Incidentally, If it was a boy, shed have named it Kreskin. Now she has no choice but to name it Terrorspawn. Vine: Facebook: Twitter:...

Everyday Dubstep

Before you die, you see the empty scenester hype. Vine: Facebook: Twitter: Instagram:

Don't Sinko Into De Struction

On the next episode of Intervention, a neglected black cat, an underpaid mariachi band and friends convene to save Jon and Brian from themselves. Led by abuse and recovery counselor Officer...

Ways to Say No (And Still Be Cool)

For more information on how to be drug-free and radicool, call the Hennipen County Kool Kidz hotline at 1-800-700-6000 or mail in for our weekly newsletter! Vine: Facebook:...

The Big Moment

He assured them all this normally never happens. They nodded and nodded and nodded. Vine: Facebook: Twitter:

Getting to Know Her

There is a battle that rages in all men, between the cordial fellow attempting conversation and the wounded, jealous cad expecting athletic sex in the near-future. Woe unto the red and white...

Creepy Hug

Some hugs are creepier than others. Vine: Facebook: Twitter: Instagram: Subscribe:...

Joy Ride

When the cops do drunk-stops in this town, they usually make you get out and walk a straight line while high-fiving them and reciting the lyrics to "Back in Black" backwards. Nobody gets that...

Ask a Lobster

Send a self-addressed envelope with appropriate postage to ASK A LOBSTER, Chicago IL, 60652. Questions will be answered in the order they are received. No question too long, no answer too wrong!...

The Final Battle

In the Land of Fyffynthoth, most of the demonic winged creatures are actually just friendly dudes who are trying to get you anything you may want - lollies, more TV time, a scoop of ice cream....

The History of Cinco de Mayo

A tradition rich with history and purpose, the annual "Drunken Punching of the Forehead" is superseded only by the "Instant Appearance of Alcoholic Beverages" within the culture. Chips and...

Osama Bin Laden's Final Video

It was when they answered the door as "Pizza Hut" that he knew something was awry. Only Domino's had the sweet pizza-tracker app that let you know just how soon you'd get your piping-hot pie....

Family Heirloom

Follow Us: Fan Us: 5sf Store: These are the time-honored memories any parent treasures. The sharing...

Richard Bitter's Favorite Joke

He's the kind of guy who loves afternoon open mics at the Laugh Factory, but only when the comedian bombs so horribly that they kill themselves onstage and their whole family watches.


"Bottom line, we need more bricklayers and fewer compilations from" -- The Management. Vine: Facebook: Twitter:...

Halloween Costume

Better than "Slutty Ghost" anyway. Not that this would be an issue. Vine: Facebook: Twitter: Instagram: https://in...

WTF? by

You get a Gold Star for the day if you can make sense of any of these WTF? shorts from Vine: Facebook: Twitter:...

Grown Men Are Talking

Grown men have a serious discussion. A 170-second film by Vine: Facebook: Twitter: Instagram:...

Attention Shoppers

In case you were wondering, yes, the grocery store clerk really is saying a complete, grammatically correct sentence over the intercom. Any guesses? Cmon, its only 30% harder to hear than most...

Yearbook Signatures

As you can tell, Billy gained a lot of confidence with women that senior year, mostly from winning the Mathletes Nationals, but partly from a three-week, hooker-filled bender in Cancun with...

An American in New York

Later, he was asked for directions to 5th and Broadway, and proceeded to bullshit an entire family into somehow taking a Central Park horse-drawn carriage into the Lincoln Tunnel. It was then...


Thus began a feud between two powerful families of pure hearts and proud walks, a feud as inevitable as the setting of the sun and the icing of the balls.

The Cinco de Mayo Collection

Bring Your Child to Work Day

He'd rather be slashing the mayors tires or be playing Pokemon: Petty Larceny, but this at least gets him out of school for the day. Vine: Facebook:


This incident spawned a massive gun control debate that raged its way into the media and Congress. Sweeping legislation was passed that effectively shuttered all gyms, outlawed protein powder...

Going Out Big

Every man's dream, plus backup. All that's missing is a sick bottle of bud, the game on TV, and a rebound lovedoll. Vine: Subscribe:

Hypnotic Southern General

Photos going back as far as the Battle of Appomattox seem to include him, at least somewhere in the background. They're blurry, but he appears to be hiding something fat, bleeding and tastefully...

The Most Popular Man in the World

Peep the SG hangin out the breast pocket. This guy keeps it straight freal.


Im always one to dig up an old gag from Milton Berles Private Joke File, so as you can no doubt imagine, Im quite familiar with the taste of Knuckle. It tastes better than being ignored. But...

Roommate Mix Up

Thankfully, Aaron managed to find an endless string of colorful neckerchiefs with which to rappel out the bank's second story window, well before the cops arrived. Boffo, on the other hand,...

Clark Kent's Close Call

At the Daily Planet's white elephant Christmas party, Clark wound up getting the gag gift: A pair of dorky, oversized, Stay-On glasses and a custom shirt with the words Definitely Not Superman...

Gettin' Laid

They "know a guy" who can speed up the entire judicial process, book a room for them at a Max Security in the tri-county area, and then get them out by Monday for good behavior. It's wild....

Overworked, Underpaid

She's just a big sunshiny ball of rainbows and orderliness, right when you walk in the door. The coffee is strong but sweet and the copier only gets busted on Mondays. She's even great at keeping...


In case you didnt catch any of the films this past week - here's a nice little recap for you. Eat, drink, be scary and while you're at it, check out this Halloween-themed compilation from...

Glass Ceiling

It all started when Kelsey floated into the break room one day and found Olivia and Johnny Blaze laughing. Some joke about a bear, in a bar or something. They stopped chuckling almost immediately...

Kelsey Cat

On a morning when she's feeling a little too "urpy," she'll saunter over to a bowl of Sambuca, drink it, then barf up whatever organic kale she had the night before. Then she scratches your...

Forgotten Hero

He was the last of three brothers who all died similarly; Ryan, who took heavy fire at a shooting range on Free Blindfold Day; Jacob, who drowned in his oatmeal at the mess hall; and Peter,...

Weird Owl

I am Jack's half-eaten mouse. I am Jack's hollowed-out oak tree.

Quick Moves

He went to Get Help, by which he meant "rent the hit motion picture 'The Help,'" and it took him 20 minutes to do it in a straight line of rooftops across town. Just bush-league all the way.

To Catch a Predator

Is it quibbling that Mr. Bucket asked children to put the balls in his top, and that in fact they would come out of his mouth? I guess hes in hot water no matter what here.


WARNING! It is a Federal Crime to watch this compilation of Banned shorts from

Aggressive Marketing

Fired? No. Promoted to Head of Domestic Sales? Yes.

Mixed Signals

She takes advice from these two on everything. Recently she diversified her stock portfolio by investing in VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNN-N-N-N-N-N-N Industries. Actually, that paid off quite well for her.